Most teenagers want to be loved and appreciated for being who they are. Not for what they could be when they grow up, and not what they should be now. Isn’t that all of our desires: to be loved just they way we are, with all of our good attributes and our shadow side as well. If we all look into our wounding as a child, most of it has to do with not being accepted for being who we are, someone was always trying to fix us.
We can still guide our kids to help them learn to be strong self sufficient individuals, with acceptance playing a big role. Guiding is a form of educating to me, teaching our kids the way of the world but letting them choose how to be in the world. We think we know what their path is and how they should maneuver through it, when actually all we really know is our path and what makes sense for us. Now, we do have more wisdom about the everyday things like cheating others, lying or simply hurting others or yourself isn’t a great way to be in the world, these are the things we teach them. We don’t need to teach them how to wear their hair, what clothes are right for them, what they should do as a hobby or talent.
We also don’t need to make sure they are making the right decisions for themselves, they have to make mistakes to really figure out how to be in the world. How many of you learn from others telling you what to do? Exactly! We learn from our experiences, so educate your teens and allow them their own experiences to really learn about themselves.
When we don’t accept our teens for who they are, it shows up like we are judging them, and they shut down to us; not what we want. We want to be in a position to guide them, if they are shut down to us, there will be no guidance. When we don’t allow our teens to make decisions for themselves and learn through the experiences, they won’t be confident with the decisions they do make, which breeds insecurity.
So Parents, guide more, control less and see how this works and feels to you, I would love to get your feedback.