The Energy We Bring: How Parents Shape Their Teen’s Regulation and Choices
Parenting a teen is often described as one of the most challenging stages of family life. Yet, what’s often overlooked is how much influence parents truly have—not through control or rules, but through the energy they bring into the relationship.
When parents feel grounded, calm, and emotionally aware, they create an environment where their teen can stay regulated. This regulation is essential for teens as they navigate big decisions around friendships, school, social media, and the pressures of growing up.
Teens Absorb Our Energy
Teens are highly sensitive to their parents’ emotional states, even when it seems like they aren’t paying attention. If we parent from fear, anxiety, or reactivity, that energy ripples into the relationship. Teens may internalize it as pressure, or they may rebel against it, feeling misunderstood.
On the other hand, when parents are centered, self-reflective, and calm, teens sense that energy and are more likely to stay regulated themselves. This calm allows them to access the part of their brain that makes thoughtful decisions rather than reactive ones.
I share how parenting from fear leads to disconnection. When we project our worries onto our teens—about their safety, choices, or future—we often trigger power struggles and resistance. But when we shift inward, manage our own emotional triggers, and show up with clarity, teens feel safe enough to open up.
Key practices include:
- Managing your own triggers. Notice when your teen’s behavior sparks anger or fear, and take a pause so you don’t project your fears onto them.
- Responding instead of reacting. A thoughtful response opens communication, while a reaction often shuts it down.
- Creating mutual respect. Teens thrive when they feel heard and valued, not controlled.
Building the Bond
At the heart of parenting is the bond between parent and teen. This bond is strengthened not by being perfect, but by being present to your own behaviors. By modeling emotional regulation, you teach your teen how to handle life’s challenges with resilience and maturity.
The truth is, our energy is the most powerful parenting tool we have. When we stay grounded, we give our teens the best chance to stay grounded too—and from that place, they can make wiser choices and grow into confident, capable adults.
If you would like to explore how your energy of not being regulated affects your teen, schedule the Free Consult here.
Also order my book
What if Your Teen Isn't The Problem? A Guide To Conscious Parenting for an easy read to help you.
Warmly, Debra