Parents, encouraging your teen to fight won’t solve the bullying problem. This week, it came to light that a Long Island mother actually encouraged her daughter to fight another girl in school as a response to online bullying.
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/09/mom-arrested-for-egging-on-schoolyard-fight-caught-on-tape-speaks-out/
Fighting isn’t a way to protect yourself from bullying, it is only a way to get you hurt and exacerbate the problem. If your daughter is being bullied, encouraging her to confront and physically fight the bully isn’t teaching your daughter how to resolve conflicts in a mature and effective way.
As a parent, you have a responsibility to protect your child; putting them in the line of fire isn’t protecting them. If going to the school authorities doesn’t work, keep talking to the school until they do something, while giving your daughter the support she needs to feel safe.
If you are a teacher, guidance counselor, school administrator, or on the board, you have a responsibility to help stop bullying. Kids used to insult each other on the playground, but now, bullying has escalated and moved online. This type of bullying is more insidious because it’s public, and it follows students around even after they have gone home for the day. Studies have shown that kids who are bullied can experience stress, anxiety, fear, depression, physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches, and even thoughts of suicide. If a student is going through all these things, he or she won’t be able to focus on schoolwork during the day.
Schools should work to create zero-tolerance anti-bullying policies and actually enforce them. Parents and students could be asked to sign No-Bullying Contracts at the beginning of each school year, and the issue could be raised at an all-school assembly each September, so students know what bullying is and why it’s wrong.
If your daughter is being bullied online, she shouldn’t respond to the bullies. You should keep a printed record of all correspondence, and talk to the authorities. If the authorities don’t respond, don’t take things into your own hands by encouraging your daughter to physically fight the bully.
Bullies pick on kids who lack self-confidence. Help your daughter develop the self-esteem she needs to not be the target of a bully. My book, My Feet Aren’t Ugly, is all about self-esteem and provides exercises to help your daughter learn to love herself. Giving your daughter the tools to become empowered will strengthen her self-esteem and will create a safer environment for her.
Isn’t this what we want as parents, self-assured, safe and happy teens?
