Parents, How Are You Participating in Lowering Your Teens Self-Esteem?

So, parents, do you think you effect your teens self-esteem?

“Hello, My name is Liz and my grandmother bought the book “My Feet Aren’t Ugly” for me after my mom sent me the link to your website. I am wondering if you have any suggestions about how to talk to a parent that is lowering my self esteem by trying to make me be the person they want me to be and not allowing me to be myself? . Thank you and have a nice day.
Sincerely Liz”

When I’m helping teens develop their self-esteem, the parents play a huge part in that development.  It’s important for parents to allow their kids to be who they are and not who they want them to be.  I also mentor women of all ages and the biggest wounding they have from their childhood is that they are not good enough. This wound of “I’m not good enough” can certainly stem from a parent not excepting who their child is.

What is it about your teens that triggers you and makes you fearful if they aren’t being who you think they should be? Instead of looking at your teen and asking her to be someone else, that makes you feel comfortable, ask yourself, why it bothers you for her to be who she is. This is her journey, and she will learn from walking her path herself, not having you walk it and tell her how to walk it. It just doesn’t work that way.  Love your teen for exactly who she is-not as driven as you, dresses differently than you think she should, maybe she is gay, etc. Love her as she is. Loving her for who she is will help her become a more confident young adult, isn’t this what we want as parents?

Keep Loving yourself, Debra

Recharge Retreat for Moms


  1. That’s exactly what we should want from our children. Unfortunately, most parents struggle with low self esteem issues and they pass it on to their kids. This is great advice and I hope that many parents follow it.

    • Debra

      I agree Michelle, we are all working on ourselves and only doing the best that we can, right? Thanks for the comment, Debra

  2. You wrote: “What is it about your teens that triggers you and makes you fearful if they aren’t being who you think they should be?”
    What if the answer to that question is that out of the blue you got a call from the local shopkeeper telling you your kid had been shoplifting? That is definitely NOT who we want our child to be and we had to apply discipline. Yes?
    What if the answer to that question is that your child doesn’t ever want to do maths (or any) homework but at the age of 12 thinks that 20 minutes is 0.2 of an hour? We are fearful about future prospects and earning capacity, but should we just let it go so that we are not taking away the child’s power and responsibility for his/her own destiny?
    I guess what I am asking is how do we manage the line between the things we must intervene with and the things we shouldn’t. We seem to have got it wrong so far, and have nurtured oppositional defiance.

    • This process isn’t about not having boundaries. It’s about asking your teen questions about his actions and helping him realize that his actions create the life he is going to be living in. Explain to him that you understand how important it is for him to manage his own life and you want to start releasing more responsibilities to him, so that when it comes time to drive, you will no problem handing him the keys. It’s in his control, his life is his responsibility. Everything he does is has an outcome, either positive or negative. You ask him, “are you okay with being in jail?” Find people that have been in jail to talk to him. Ask him “are you okay with working at Mcdonalds for the rest of your life?” Educate and guide him, get him a tutor for math. Let him know if he doesn’t get certain grades, that this will play a part in how you feel he is managing his life. He has the control, not you. You need to empower him to take the reins of his life. On my website I have an online program 4 Weeks To Connect To Your Teen. This will go into detail about teaching your teen how to manage their own life, stepping into their reality,looking at your fears around their behaviors and setting boundaries. It’s on the slider on my home page, just click on it, it will be the best money you have ever spend to help you with your teen. I also mentor both teen and parent in the exact area. Contact me and lets move forward, Debra

  3. brad fowler

    i really dont have any time with my daughter thanks to her mother, she has been very possesive with her we are seperated?????? thank brad

    • Debra

      Hi Brad, I am so sorry to hear that. Just do your best to reach out to your daughter in-spite of your exes behavior, Debra

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