How Difficult Is It For Teenagers To Have A Relationship With Their Mothers?
As soon as you become the parent of a teenager, it becomes difficult to remember what it was like when you were in their place. Teenagers relationships with mothers can become difficult, as teenagers become more difficult to communicate with in the best circumstances, and developing an open and honest channel for communication can easily be overrun by heightened emotions on both sides. Learning to communicate effectively without judgment or control can feel like a high-wire balancing act, but it is possible. Opening the lines of communication is vital to establishing a lasting, healthy relationship that can continue for years to come.
The bond between mother and daughter should be unparalleled.
Developing it is the challenge.
Teenagers often find it difficult to understand that their parents, especially their mothers, were once their age. Often the generation gap is cemented in the minds of our children and it can be difficult to overcome.
The first step to opening the lines of communication is honesty.
It’s important to be honest with our daughters and letting them know that we expect them to be honest with us in return. It’s natural for teenagers to be less than forthcoming. It’s easy to remember times where we snuck out of the house or told little white lies to our parents. Try to put yourself in their place, and develop an extra measure of compassion and understanding, where appropriate.
Opening the lines of communication does not mean letting your teen run rampant over pre-established rules and expectations. However, one of the most vital parts of the teenage years is establishing realistic expectations for the real world.
Your teenage daughter has to learn that choices have consequences or rewards. Sit down with your daughter and instead of “laying down the law” and dictating your own household’s version of the Ten Commandments, work with your teen to establish household expectations for the whole family. These are guidelines that both you and your teen agree to, and if they are not upheld, certain consequences should be listed. Agree to pre-determined conditions. For example, set a curfew of a time that you agree your daughter should return home from hanging out with friends or going to a movie. If she’s late without calling, certain consequences can be expected.
By discussing these options prior to situations arising, heated and emotional arguments can be avoided.
Teens require an extra measure of patience, and sometimes they make patience difficult. The more controlling parents try to be, the less open a relationship they will be able to have with their children – especially their teenagers.
Ideally, our teens would come to us with all of their questions, their problems and concerns. That’s not always the case, and we can’t force it to happen by sheer force of will. The most we can do is to encourage an open door policy. If your teenage daughter does come to you with a problem or concern, it is imperative to not overreact, just listen to them and don’t judge them for their mistakes or choices. Realize this is an opportunity for them to learn.
While it may be natural as a parent to be upset, displaying that will only push them away. Speak to them calmly, and ask many questions, so that can figure out how to do things differently next time.
Teens can be difficult to deal with, and patience isn’t always easy to come by. Remember that they’re human and they should be allowed to make mistakes. If you’ve overreacted or punished them for being open with you, don’t be above apologizing, this lets them know that you too are human. Fostering your teenagers relationship with her mother must be built on mutual respect, and lay the groundwork for a growing relationship that can easily carry on into their adulthood.